customs of "chrissmas"

Ah, the wit. The ability he possesses to simultaneously stake claims in the world of philosophy and the world of reality. I am quite sure his writing would never have been quite as endearing had he not been from the land of tea and crumpets. And lemon curd. And sticky toffee pudding… He had a way with blunt truths and statements of the obvious that normally must-not-be-spoken-for fear-of-causing-cultural-delirium. Yet, the majority of the time he hits the nail on the head. “He” who? None but my dear friend, Clive.

In his own ingenious way, he writes about the insanity of his fellow countrymen (the backwards people of Niatirb—Britain) in their customs and preparations for what used to be a celebration of advent.


… and beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned towards the west and the north, the island of Niatirb which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, but it is larger, and though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from other barbarians who occupy the north- western parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs.

In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound they have a great festival which they call Exmas , and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe.


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